Update: AITAH for leaving my husband and stepdaughter stranded on Christmas.

I had updated on my original post but I don’t know if it gets put back out so readers can view it. I figured it was easier to start a new post with my update.

Update Wow! I did not expect this to blow up like it did. Thank you to everyone who reached out. I meant to come back and update sooner, my apologies. I wanted to clear up some things and defend myself on not being as pathetic as some made me out to be. 1.) I did not pay for the purse, I offered but he paid the full amount. 2.)He technically pays for the gifts for his family for Christmas. We have an account that he puts money on and this is what is used to pay the bills and other expenses along with gifts for his family for birthdays and other special occasions. I am the one who actually shops for the gifts and I make it personal for each person and do all the wrapping and such and add on from my budget what I feel is needed. 3.) This had gotten erased when I was first posting trying to edit but is a key factor. When I confronted my stepdaughter about returning the purse she wasn’t saying anything, she was refusing by shaking her head no and her father yelled her name and that is when she dropped the bomb on us that she had already written her name in it. She wrote her name in big black permanent marker on the inside of the purse. So that is when my rage just turned into defeat because the purse became worthless to me, hence my getting emotional.

4.) For people questioning on why react now when I had to have known about him not giving gifts from early on in the relationship- after attending family events with him I noticed right away he never had a gift to give. So when it came to my birthday or Valentine’s Day or any special occasion I would take initiative to drive us to wherever I wanted my gift from so he could purchase it. As we got more serious my gifts became trips that I planned and he paid for. So this wasn’t going to be my first time getting a gift but it was going to be my first time having an actual gift under the tree. 5.) I introduced one of my really good friends to his brother and she is now my sister-in-law in and my ally and my source. We met for lunch a week after the New Year to exchange gifts. She informed me that after they arrived at his Moms my husband didn’t want to talk about what happened. My stepdaughter likes to show off her gifts as most teenagers do, and while they were gathered on the table, trying to talk to my husband she approached and was interrupting and trying to get everyone’s attention on her and her new purse and other gifts. SIL said the table fell silent and there were looks between family members and then chaos. Yelling about how my husband arrived empty-handed &aunts and uncles were yelling at him asking how he could get his daughter such an expensive purse and not get his mother anything. That’s when he broke and loudly responded, he didn’t get his daughter the purse. He got me the purse. His daughter just took the purse. His daughter got upset for being outed and reprimanded by other family members and called her mom to get her.

6.)By the time her mother arrived I had already spoken to her about what happened. She went inside to talk to her father because the story she was getting from her daughter was obviously different. It was basically the same story, he took her shopping and on the way back she saw the department store bag and looked inside and saw the purse started begging for it then started to guilt trip him to give it to her. He told her no and spoke to her about being ungrateful and selfish. She then tried to get him to take her to a friends house instead of home which caused another argument because she is grounded due to failing classes and she knows that she’s not allowed to go anywhere. At drop off she just grabbed her bags and exited the car &slamming the door. When he got back to the house, he reached behind the seat to get the bag and noticed it was empty and realized she took the purse anyway. He called her but she didn’t answer and he left a message that she better be ready to give up the purse on Christmas. 7.)Her mother had called him and yelled at him for getting her such an expensive purse when she is failing classes and instead of explaining what happened he just responded that she had no idea what she was talking about and hung up the phone. Her writing her name in the purse was a shock to him and that’s what caused him to pull over at the next gas station. He didn’t want me more upset with her so he opted not to tell me that she stole it and just took blame. 8.) the other gift that he was going to put in the purse- lingerie. It was in a small gift bag on my side of the bed. He was upset when I sent our pitbull Chico downstairs wearing a red nightie.

*Some comments had the misconception that the purse was going to be the first gift he ever gave me and I wanted to clarify that is not true. I posted about him not getting me a gift on my Birthday and Christmas and other occasions. This occurred our first year of marriage.

I planned a dinner for my birthday that included my parents &my siblings, close friends and family. My husband arrived empty handed &over an hour and a half late due to him staying late at work. I kept quiet because I didn’t want a scene and have more attention drawn to him about not getting me anything and being so late. This is same reason I cut him off when he looked around at my gifts and flowers from my guest and started saying “man I feel so bad for not getting you…..” That weekend I woke up to flowers and chocolates sprinkled all over the bed and being taken to breakfast and my husband asking what I still had on my wishlist for my birthday so we could go get it.

On our 1st anniversary I set up a table outside with candles and hung up white lights and was preparing beef Wellington and had a bottle of champagne and chocolate covered strawberries. That morning I woke him up saying Happy Anniversary and kissing him and told him I have a surprise planned for later. He called me when he should have already been home stating that he picked up an extra load and was excited about how much extra the pay was going to be. We used the extra pay from this and from other extra loads he picked up that coincidentally coincided with special occasions and Holidays to go to Hawaii. It wasn’t until I stopped planning something for him for Father’s Day that he started making an effort on getting gifts ahead of time and remembering special occasions.

When my husband got home from being on the road he took my son and I to eat at a steakhouse and handed each of us a gift bag. Inside were brand new air pods. At first my son was confused because he didn’t have an I phone then came the second surprise- that after we finished eating we were heading to AT&T to get both us new phones. I haven’t really spoken to his daughter but was told that her failing classes and sneaking out has caused a strain on her relationship with her mother. I am not looking for pity or sympathy and I am not a doormat and my husband is not a heartless monster. I am in a much better frame of mind now than I was then. Thank you for taking the time to hear me.