I don't want to be gay

I'm so damn tired of this internal battle. I'm 19 and I've known I was into guys since I was a little kid, like 6 or 7, but it's exhausting. I don't want to be gay, not because I think there's anything wrong with it, but because I know it's not going to make me happy in this life. I live in a place where they'd never accept me, and honestly, I don't want to be that person who's out and proud. I just want the simple life - marriage, kids, the whole "normal" deal.

I'm Catholic, and sure, being gay isn't a sin if you're not doing anything sexual, but that's exactly what I want to do. I'm so passionate about men that I've been dealing with it by masturbating, but I stopped this year because it's seriously messing with my head + it is not in accordance with Catholic teaching. I don't want to act on these feelings because every time I think about hooking up with a guy, I'm hit with this massive wave of guilt. I want to be close to God, but my faith feels like it's crumbling under this weight. How am i suppose to stay strong in this condition? How to survive when I just want to follow the church's teachings?

There was this one time I was attracted to a girl at school, had this dream about her, but that didn't change anything. My attraction to men didn't go away; it's like it's part of me, no matter how much I wish it wasn't. Why did God make me like this if it's supposed to make me feel so wrong?

I'm just so done with feeling like this. I don't want to have sex with men, I just want a "normal" life. How do I stop these urges? How do I make them go away so I can just live like everyone else? I'm tired of fighting myself. (Please don't judge me)

Edit: Hi all, thanks for all the positive comments, I appreciate your efforts. Now I do feel quite helped and feel less alone. Thank you again and please pray for my strength in the future:)