How to handle alters with different gender identities?

Sorry this is gonna sound very clumsy. First I want to say that I support trans people and this should in no way be used as an argument against people transitioining.

However, I am so confused. We? socially transitioned FtM around 14, medically just shy of 18. I barely remember my transition, I dont even know when I the host specifically started 'being' me, I have some childhood memories but they are very choppy. But during my transition I mostly remember ever so often questioning and feeling uncomfortable with it but then also a very strong desire to go all in and become very muscly and manly, which is generally not what I would want or identify with. I feel like I woke up from a trance around 22 and slowly stopped taking HRT and I got literally flooded with some trauma memories not long after. I guess I as the host am personally Non binary, I dont really care and as I am legally male now its easier to go by that in my professional life but I often feel very strong desires in either directions tearing me apart. I feel like it correlates with different alters being co-concious/co-fronting. I dont really know how to handle that, as it makes me mentally unwell and it makes navigating life very confusing.