Have to make up my mind soon :/

I'm 37 and have been with my DH for 16 years, 10 years married. We are happy as we are; got two dogs, a home and we've built a life for ourselves.

4 years ago we talked about having kids for the first time and we agreed we should see a therapist to learn if we really wanted to have kids. Then I learnt that it would be difficult for me to have kids so suddenly i felt something was being taken away from me and I wanted to have one.

Now that some time has passed, I see that it wasn't really because I wanted one but bc the doctors said I couldnt have one if I wait a little longer.

Anyways, I'm still indecisive; I'm afraid because I don't know what the future will bring and I'll come to regret i didn't do everything I can to have one. At least, if I try now I'll say that i did everything I can, and it wasn't meant to be. I'll be free from the burden of making a decision.

In the meantime, I've come to an end, the doctors did some tests for IVF and I'm eligible for it. It won't cost much money in my country. But now that I have options again; I'm not sure if I want to go through with it.

I just want it to be over. If I will have a child, let it come. If not, yaay, freedom to do what I want.. I've hold my life on pause for so long.

I know It doesn't make sense but I really can't make up my mind. Anyone relates?