Societal maze too hard and annoying to navigate

I don't consider myself an incel, though I understand how the definition might apply given my struggles with interacting with women. I don't dislike women; I believe they are capable of incredible things and understand their valid concerns about societal issues and discrimination. I am deeply troubled by the objectification and harm they face and strive to ensure my own behavior is respectful and considerate.

Navigating social interactions, in general, feels draining. I have many friends, but thats because Im really good at faking it. Deeper connections are difficult, and I often feel like I'm playing a constant game of chess that I'm losing.

People's initial reactions are often negative, and women, in particular, seem wary. My appearance might contribute to this, but I believe they have legitimate reasons for their caution. I am often more afraid of them than they are of me. Any sign of affection triggers a fight-or-flight response due to past negative experiences. This fear leads me to keep interactions brief, which likely reinforces their apprehension.

While I am attracted to women, it often feels like a weakness. its gotten so bad that Interacting with women in video games even causes anxiety. (dont clown me on that I WILL start crying)

I recognize the need to address my negativity and pessimism, but going completely mask off doesnt feel safe. In public I always feel like im out in the open with no defenses, every time I have to interact with someone I have to hype myself up.

TLDR: This "incel" by definition probably has autism or is just an asshole.