Makeup shopping addiction

Hi my name is Emma I’m 21 and I’m from Canada and over the past few months I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that my shopping addiction has gotten out of hand, I’ve known I’ve had a problem for a while but over the past year its really come to light how bad it is. For me my main issue is makeup and cosmetics (hair care, body care, skincare, fragrance etc) I haven’t plunged my self to far in to debt but I’m spending anywhere from 250-500 dollars a week sometimes just on cosmetics, i have to go to the cosmetics department any time I’m out wether that’s in Walmart or Sephora or any drugstore i just can’t walk away i have to at least check it out. TikTok is a real problem for me as well seeing all the viral products and what i “have to have” to follow the new aesthetic is. I shop because maybe this time ill turn in to the person i want to be and this time ill be “fixed” if i buy what all the cool girls on my collage campus are using then maybe ill become a better student and gain more confidante and finally make friends. You know that lie addiction always likes to tell us

I had a breakdown earlier this week to my mom after we lost our cat. I had placed 3 largish Sephora orders trying to distract me from the grief I currently feel but as always its just masking what i really feel and not actually fixing any of the issues. the empty space on my bathroom counter where his bed once sat feels so empty now so I’m trying to fill it with product to “make me better”

I don’t even know if reading any of this makes any sense or if its just a load of gibberish but maybe there’s someone here who relates and can point me in the right direction i have no clue how to start tackling this.