When will I stop missing him?

After all the horrible things he’s done: the gaslighting, manipulation, mental/emotional abuse. Somehow I still miss him. I am so sad. And I feel like a broken person for not understanding why. I remember the moments that were good and where we were happy. But then I don’t know if that was even real or not. Sometimes I am so angry for what he did. And others I find myself so unbearably sad that I wish it could get better and not be what it is. :(