Sensitive: How to love my blind baby

I understand how horrible it sounds and I hate myself for feeling this way. I am crying while I type this. I'm a FTM to a 10 month old baby girl. My whole pregnancy was smooth and all my tests and scans were perfect. My baby was born healthy and we were discharged in a day. I was in motherhood bliss for first two months. My baby did not make eye contact but I was patiently waiting for it. She was healthy and growing well so I had little reason for worry. But it all changed when she was 4m and still not visually responding. Then a barrage of tests and we find out she is severly visually impaired, probably can only see lights. This diagnosis came out of nowhere, we have no such family history on both sides. After the initial shock subsisded I thought I can work this through, being sighted or blind doesn't matter, I'll still love her. I'm her mother, it should come naturally to me. But I was so wrong. Its so hard to love a baby when there is no positive reinforcement from their side. She does smile when she hears me but it is nothing like the experience of seeing your mom and their face lights up. She is bit behind motor skills and for now she just sits at one place and plays with her toys. I would sit next to her and try to talk to her but it takes so much effort because she does not respond like a sighted baby. She keeps her head down most of the times, and would respond without even moving her head towards you. I would come in room and she doesnt seem to notice unless I speak. I feel like it won't make any difference to her if I exist or not, I do not feel loved by her and I do understand thats because she is unable to express love how sighted babies do. She hates cuddling, she doesn't like most of the games that I see other parents playing because almost everything requires a visual incentive which makes babies enjoy the games/activities. Now I think sight is the most important and crucial component of why parents find babies cute and lovely. Because they look at you, smile, laugh, engage. And I get nothing such from my baby. Also her eyes move erratically and i find it uncomfortable to even look at her because it hurts so much. I don't know what to do. My husband is a very doting father and loves her to bits and has given me the option to leave her with him and live my life. But what kind of a horrible mom would do that because baby is born with a disability. Its just a vent. I just feel so sick of myself.

Edit: I’m crying reading all the comments. Each one of you has given me such helpful insights. I will keep coming back to this post and read comments when I’m feeling down. Thank you to each one of you. I’ll try finding online communities because locally the help is non existent. I do think my daughter is very lucky that she has some people in her life who love her unconditionally and fiercely, the biggest being her father. Also she is already smart in her own ways. She babbles ton, and sometimes unexpectedly picks up some sound, like she was hearing a song about animals and when the song said word monkey she immediately responded with ooh ooh aah aah(monkey sounds) before the song did. And she learnt it all by herself by listening. Also she does ton of gestures but it takes a-lot of prompting from our side because it does not come naturally to her by observing. I think my main stress these days is that she is falling behind in her gross motor. She does not show any desire to “explore”. She will tap her hands all around her but wont move towards anything or anyone with intention. And I have been trying since past two months to try to encourage her to be mobile and now its start weighing on me especially seeing other babies her age doing so much more. She does not lack the physical strength because she can sit, roll, but she lacks the motivation to do so, and since she cant see, I have very limited options to entice her. Thank you again everyone. You guys have no idea how much every comment means to me