Struggling to know what is a compulsion and what is not

I've had ocd for a few years and I've been struggling with rocd for about 2 weeks. I think about my boyfriend all the time and when my ocd isn't kicking my ass, sometimes that comes with loving feelings. My issue is I feel like I really have to dig deep to feel those feelings because either they're not real or ocd is just making me numb and I don't know if this is a form of checking which will make the cycle continue. Initially I was unintentionally feeding into the cycle but I've been doing erp for a few days and it's led to a feeling of numbness and I just feel sad or indifferent when I think about him. Is feeling numb and depressed a normal part of the erp process or should I change something with my approach? I plan on starting antidepressants soon so we'll see if that helps with the numbness and sadness. For more context, I'm also taking gaba which helps take away the panic so that may be contributing to numbness.

I know that was long, essentially I'm wondering if numbness is a normal part of erp and if trying(?) to feel my love for my boyfriend is a compulsion or an okay thing to do.