I HATE.

I HATE EVERYTHING. I HATE MYSELF MY FRIENDS MY HOBBIES MY LIFE. I HATE MY SIN AND THE GOOD THINGS I DO FOR OTHERS. I HATE MY DESPAIR AND MY HOPE. I HATE GOD.

WHY DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT THE THINGS THAT HAPPEN AROUND THEM. WHY AM I NEVER TAKEN SERIOUSLY EVEN FROM MY CHRISTIAN FRIENDS WHY DO THEY NEVER ACT AS ONE SHOULD. WHY DONT I FOLLOW GOD. WHY CANT I LOVE GOD THE WAY HE WANTS ME TO. WHY AM I SO AFRAID OF SUBMITTING.

WHY DONT I TURN AWAY FROM MY SIN. WHY AM I SO WEAK AND FRAGILE AND INSECURE. WHY DO I HATE EVERYONE. WHY DO I DO THE THINGS THAT KILL MY SOUL AND DESTROY MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. WHY CANT I READ THE BIBLE AND COME ACROSS A COMFORTING VERSE. WHY DOES EVERYONE FEEL HIS PRESENCE AND I DONT. WHY MUST I DIE WITH A HEART OF BURNING LUST AND HATRED.

WHY CANT I JUST TRUST AND SUBMIT TO THE ONE WHO MADE ME. I WANT TO PRAY AND TURN AWAY. I WANT TO REPENT BUT I JUST DONT. I KNOW MY RAGE AND PAIN AND GOD'S SILENCE ISN'T FOR NOTHING.

I NEED HIM. I HAVE NOTHING ELSE. I HAVE NO ONE ELSE.

PLEASE SAVE ME!!!!!!!

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!