found something upsetting in my boyfriend’s email

this is a complicated and long one so read at your discretion.

me and my boyfriend will have been together for 1 year next month and he just recently went to basic training 4 days ago. it’s been super hard and yesterday was the first day i haven’t cried, but that streak has ended this morning. let me just preface now that I have never searched through my boyfriend’s phone because i trust him and never felt any reason to. towards the beginning of our relationship me and my boyfriend discussed porn. we both agreed that it wasn’t the best to be used during our relationship and he told me he never even used it frequently previously. me on the other hand… was quite the addict in my growing years. i was very open with him and told him everything about it. i stopped watching and it was very hard for me but im glad i did because i thought it was the best for our relationship!

before my boyfriend shipped out, he gave me his email to help him turn on his phone (aka i pay verizon) and also told me that he had a surprise promise ring in the mail for me. last night i had a dream of said promise ring and couldn’t wait for it to come unanticipated, so i checked his email for a order confirmation to see if i could find tracking. not only did i not find one, but i instead found pornographic images of animated characters that were paid for through patreon. also this isn’t just regular nudity. it’s fucking ball busting and girls with d*cks. mind you he is subscribed to several of these patreons not just one.. i feel like like i don’t even know who im dating anymore. (i see why he couldnt get me anything for my birthday! he was using all his money to watch this/half joke 😅😅)

i immediately started crying because we had issues with sex where he couldn’t stay hard and i thought it was me to which he denied and comforted me after. but this is making think all that was a lie. now im questioning if my boyfriend is even attracted to me. i feel betrayed and i cant even say anything to him because he’s not even a week into basic.

so basically… should i keep this festering and write the cute letters everyday like i wanted to and wait till he comes back to make this known? or should i write my feelings to him now? i still love him and have no intention breaking up with him.. right now… but i do feel like this is something big that i can’t push aside. im fucking livid.

edit: looked further and its human girls too 👍