'Preferred pronouns' make me feel so uncomfortable

At the very beginning of my MtF transition, telling people I use she/her pronouns felt good and kind of empowering but that faded quickly. I am lucky to be in a very liberal environment where something like 'pronoun circles' are common. Well, I don't like pronoun circles but I like that people are generally accepting.

But soon I was dreading telling people my 'preferred pronouns'. People will go like: "so he ... ehm, she ..." or struggle to use she/her pronouns at all or awkwardly try to avoid pronouns; it feels horrible. It feels honestly worse than people just assuming I'm a man. It always reminds me that subconciously people do not perceive me as a woman and struggle to keep up the act out of politeness.

I'm transitioning since around a year. Three times, people who did not know me assumed my pronouns where she/her which always surprised me because I'm almost never dressing overly feminine. But that actually felt really good.

So people assuming my pronouns correctly feels good. Telling people my preferred pronouns but they subconciously don't see me as a woman feels very bad.

So preferred pronouns are kind of pointless (for me) but I do not know the alternative if I'm in a situation where people ask me. Certainly not he/him. No pronouns or all pronouns feel like a similar problem. My point is that there is 'reality' where people do not perceive me as a woman, and 'preferred pronouns' override this reality, making it worse and very uncomfortable for everybody involved. I do not know how people enjoy life like that and say they feel better than before their transition. I honestly think I enjoyed my life more when I was completely repressed and just lived as a guy, thinking that I'm a guy is just an unchangable fact. It was certainly much, much more easy and comfortable. I feel like I fucked up my life because all my friends and everyone at work now uses my preferred pronouns even though I'm not passing as a woman at all.

I don't know if I will ever reach the point where every person automatically assumes I'm a woman (cis passing). Without that transition does not seem worth it for me. I wonder if anyone finds this relatable. I posted in this sub to hopefully get more varied replies than just hopeful positivity, but if you really think it 'gets better', I also need to hear that.