Not feeling trans when I'm depressed

I've been going through pretty bout of depression recently over something not related to being trans, although it's not completely irrelevant when it comes to talking about my identity, but the thing I'm sad is very stupid, and there is really nothing I can do to stop or prevent it. My stupid monkey brain won't stop thinking about it.

I've thought about being trans for the past 10 years, but now I keep thinking that I should just not transition just in case there was someone I wanted to date that is more into me being cis instead. Not dating me because I'm trans, but not dating me because of a genital preference. This is not the entire reason I've been depressed recently, because the reason is even dumber also makes me a worst person.

This is kind of the most depressed I've been in a while, and there is also other things that make me sad that I haven't been able to stop crying about for days. I think I'm not crying anymore because I've ran out of tears. I'm just concerned that this identity I built for the past 10 years was nothing. My friends only know me as my new name and pronouns. I haven't even medically transitioned yet.

My friends said they don't mind if I start identifying as cis again, but I really don't want to. I'm hoping that my feeling of transness comes back. But at the same time I don't really want it to. I don't want anything or to feel anything again. It's funny because I'm finally getting stuff that is going to help me progress in life. I'm finally getting my GED which is going to lead me into college so I can get a better job, but I kind of don't care anymore.