I had a meeting with a fundamentalist Muslim family today and am surprised at my emotional reaction to a woman in full niqab.

I led a support meeting today with a fundamentalist Muslim family from an African Country (not named to protect identity). The mother was wearing an full abaya/niqab that covered all but her eyes. She was acting as a translator for her husband and so I spoke with her the entire meeting (also making sure to address her husband).

The meeting went well and the couple was supportive of their child. It was an excellent meeting in that they were supportive of our efforts and showed deep concern for their child. I wish all my meetings were like this one in that respect.

I’m guess I’m writing because I am surprised at how unsettled I am that mom covers herself to such an extreme. I am surprised that it has affected me this deeply. I could not connect with this woman or read her emotions or reactions. As an atheist, I just don’t understand the desire to cover so much and I am a bit ashamed that I am having this emotional reaction.

Note: Please no islam bashing. I just wanted to share my feelings in an anonymous space. I fully support that she should be able to dress however she wants and unless told otherwise, assume that that is what she is doing. I would stand up for her right to do so, even. Clearly, my reaction shows that I don’t interact with Muslims that adhere to these beliefs often. I conducted myself professionally in this meeting and made sure that their child was taken care of. I am glad to have met them both.

Edited to add: Thank you to everyone who engaged in this conversation with me. There are too many comments to keep up. I do want to clarify a few things.

  1. I know that many women are forced to wear niqab whether overtly or otherwise, but based on my extensive work with many members of this family, I do not think the niqab is forced. One of her daughters is a married mother-she does not wear niqab. Another daughter only wears hijab, while the rest wear abayas. This is partly why I was shocked. I do not personally understand the motivation to cover so completely.

  2. To those that are angry that I asked your to not bash Islam, all I can say is… deal with it. Engaging in discussion about problematic doctrine and practices is different from bashing. Bashing alienates and is not productive. There are other threads you can comment on.

Moreover, I am not interested in policing other’s beliefs if it would prevent them from receiving the services offered through my work. The calls to “leave the room” and “refuse to engage with her” are gross and further alienating. If these women ever did want to leave, they know through my consistent care, that there is someone to reach out to. I work hard to accept people as they are-even if their beliefs are incomprehensible to me.

  1. I wanted the discussion’s focus to be on me- I was shocked by MY reaction to her dress. It revealed a prejudice in me that I tend to think I have worked out because of my experiences working with her family and the community. This why I said I felt/feel ashamed.

  2. Lastly, I posted here because we atheists have perspectives on the world separate from religious doctrine that I thought would help me explore why I was so shocked and put off. [Added for clarity of thought: This forum consists of members from all around the world from all sorts of different contexts. Many responders helped me articulate my feelings Your insights, anecdotes, and discussion have helped me better understand myself— ] So for you, I’m grateful.

(Edited for typos.) (Edited for clarity)