Weight Gain and Self Esteem

I gained 30 lbs on abilify. I was running 5x a week and watching what I eat and I still gained weight. That pushed me into a depression where I gave up and since then I've gained 17 more lbs. I'm now on Trileptal I don't know if its helping or adding to the weight gain but I just don't feel comfortable with my body anymore and I can't afford to buy new clothes so it makes me feel extremely self conscious.

I'm attempting to date but I just feel so blah about myself now I think everyone is gonna see me and think I'm just a fat slob...I used to be overweight in highschool and I was really proud of losing weight and keeping it off. I dunno what to do, I'm trying to get my mental health right but I feel like the side effects are ruining my self esteem and making me more depressed...