Is this normal with parallel parenting?

I am not sure I can keep doing this much longer. I have a 3 year old and 18 month old, 3 year old goes to his dads every other weekend (although he is very inconsistent with this, sometimes cancels) 18 month old doesn’t go yet as he has barely seen him.

He has my 3 year old this weekend and I just FaceTimed him and he was left alone in the dark with the phone (I couldn’t see him) he was upset to be in the dark as he always has a night light. Then my ex took him out of bed and sat him on the sofa and called me back and my son just looked so upset.

My ex literally won’t do anything I ask of him, no routine, late bedtimes, no naps, late night family party last time he had him, no communication sometimes when he has my son. I just feel so awful for my 3 year old, he didn’t want to be there.

I literally just feel like cutting him off completely and never seeing him again, he was so awful to me in our relationship and continues to be. It’s so triggering and toxic for me.

I really want them to have a relationship with their dad but I’m not sure it’s even worth it. He loves to have authority and will flick my 3 year old for example when he doesn’t comply.

Is this what parallel parenting is like? Is this normal? I want him out of my life and my children’s but will they resent me on day

EDIT I got a text from him this morning saying that travelling 2 hours each way to see his son is not ok so he wants a different arrangement so is putting visits on hold.

IT DOES NOT TAKE 2 hours, it takes 1 hr if he comes early in the mornings and 1.5 at most if there’s some traffic. It’s so ridiculous. He drives and it would take less by car but he chooses to come on the train which takes longer and pick him up from the station.