Heartbroken and humiliated

***UPDATE***

Sometimes Reddit can be absolutely brutal. I’m the last 24 hours it was the exact comfort and outlet I needed and I couldn’t thank all you kind souls enough. I’m still super sad and on and off with the tears. But I will be Ok.

Today is his birthday. I had something nice shipped to him 2 weeks ago to arrive today, but I was in transit and appeared lost. So I called and it said it was delivered on the 7th. I know he would have told me he got it then, everything was fine. Maybe he did get it and it was the “love, ____” that freaked him out and he didn’t tell me. They offered to resend it or give me a refund. I asked for a refund and I told the person why. She was so sympathetic and sweet and she processed the refund and told me “we will not that package to him! “ it warmed my heart and gave me a chuckle. I’ll be OK for sure. He wasn’t the one.

**original post***

First, this might be long and a little discombobulated. And yes, I know I strayed away from the “rules” but I didn’t see this coming .

I’ve been dating my now ex boyfriend as of 20 minutes ago for 3 months. It felt like the healthiest relationship i had ever been in. The only red flag was the beginning where it progressed fast, but slowed to a decent pace. It was the first time I felt safe and I felt like I can actually let my walls down and trust that someone really cares about me.

It’s been 4 years since my last relationship ended and since then my life has been a series of situationships and some dating. Then I met J. We hit it off right away. He was attentive, communicative. Open with his feelings. Excited to spend time with me even though we could only see eachother every other weekend. I met all his work friends, he talked about me all the time and we went away 3 weeks ago and everything he went on and about how he loved spending that time with me and wanted to make it that a yearly thing. I told him I was going to actually post a picture of us on FB and he was all about it. Everyone knows about him, expressed how happy they were for me ( I have some great friends who knows my misfortune in relationships who were happy to see me happy) he was invited to Christmas Eve with my family and just last weekend telling me how he was looking forward to meeting my dad and stepmom.

He met my teen daughter briefly twice. Which is fine, she wasn’t attached. He has two younger kids….. I told him that it is a HUGE deal for me to meet them because It’s hurt me before and other children when it ends. He said he was sure and he wanted to do it. I met them very briefly last weekend . Then today we had plans to spend time with his kids. And we did . And it went great and I really liked them and they liked me.

We had a very great weekend last weekend together, no hint something was off. In the middle of the week my gut was telling me something, but I told myself it was stupid anxiety.

Well, when I got home we were texting a bit and I still felt something off. I asked if everything was ok. He called me to tell me he was feeling this week that his feelings aren’t progressing. He felt that just this week. Everything is was fine, but his feelings weren’t where he felt they should be at this point.

I’m heartbroken. And fucking angry. I felt safe and secure with him. I let everyone know about him. And told them how great he was.

How the hell do I trust any guy anymore? I mean there was every positive sign until this week. I have no idea what I missed. It was like a switch just flipped this week and he was gone like that.

This isn’t the first time I had a guy say how great I am in the same breath he breaks up with me because they felt something was missing. My last boyfriend did that to me after a year. I go into dating afraid that’s going to happen again. This time I didn’t let that plague me because I felt comfortable with me and with me. Boy was I wrong!

I’m still in shock and so damn hurt. And I think the worst part is, I finally trusted and I feel like I can’t do that ever again. They all leave . Even when you least expect it. Honestly, work has been awful, I’m usually really depressed around the holidays and this year, I was happy and excited.

Tomorrow is his birthday i have him a small gift when we parted ways today and his bigger gift is en route to be delivered tomorrow .

I met his kids today. He kissed me hello and goodbye and we talked about next weekend. It’s like the rug has been ripped out from under me and I am just in shock and so so so hurt and humiliated

Thanks for listening. Go easy please, I’m fragile right now