yo lowkey i cant do this shit anymore

honestly bruh i feel like ive been living miserably, my parents fucking hate me and i dont blame them for it, i hate myself too. my dad gave me a bad childhood with all the stupid shit he done to me when i was a kid until i was like 15, my mom on the other hand was always very strict with stuff and i always was the guy to be left out when my "friends" met up, genuinely i cant deal with this life anymore and i feel like i just wanna die all the time man, i was always pressured into studying and shit related to that and it kinda ruined me more, i always thought the behavior of my parents was just a thing for me to become a man but i dont understand where that idea comes from, they never bother to ask me how im doing or if i ever wanted to talk or something, only thing theyre good at is just talking of people behind their backs. anyways, sorry you had to read through all this shit, it is what it is, im used to it at this point.