I feel too afraid and unsure to have gay sex.
Hey. I am 27 yo and last year I have finally come out to myself as gay after living in a constant state of denial, pretending unconciously liking women and stuff, while watching only gay porn, looking at men, being far more shy around men.
Now a year later, because of therapy, I made peace with the fact I am gay and that I like men, even though sometimes I experience guilt, but I repeat myself that this guilt isn't mine, just planted there by my homophobic parents and society.
I installed and deleted 12 times Grindr. I spoke to multiple nice men (clean, sweet, intelligent) , but when they proposed to meet them I always got extremely anxious (I have anxiety) and panicked because my mind telling me:
You will feel guilty and ashamed if you do this.
You will end up robbed, you will be forced to do things (sexually) you don't want as you're a thin nice guy.
You will catch STDs (especially HIV, PrEP is not available here).
Your parents will become suspicious as you will have your behaviour changed. (I can't move out now, don't suggest this).
What if you are not truly gay? (Despite knowing I am a bottom, enjoying my dildo and plugs really much) ..
It is clear I want to have it.
Any advice fellow gay bros?