Sorry for whining

I know literally everyone is on here every other day complaining about the same shit but wow does oxy really just get a choke hold on you. I am so complacent just getting high doing nothing my girlfriend is at her wits end wanting to leave me again. Totally went off on me not sparring any harsh words or thoughts, And i totally agree with her her anger is warranted. I just cant seem to want to stop. Even today she told me she has to study so we cant see each other today. So I abstain from my suboxone and hit my plug up for an 80. even tho i just told her yesterday was my last. I cant help it. Nothing feels as good as dilaudid or oxy. It makes me normal it makes me happy it makes me function and i hate it i wish i never took my grandmas vicodin i wish i never thought opioids were cool i knew this would happen i watched my mom battle alcholism (she still hasnt won) I dont know why i did this. I get suboxone and i cant help but think about opioids I need to choose life and do something, Ive probably been let go of amazon. Im heading nowhere fast.