Is therapy cold?

I just had a client whom I have been seeing for over three years over zoom (for the last year and a half twice a week) tell me that didn’t really feel like therapy held their emotions, that they felt like a specimen being watched and it was somewhat cold and professional space. They meant no offence to me, I feel we get along quite well, often share laughter together and I create a very warm space. They were in the process of feeling sad that they didn’t have a loved one to hold their feelings, and so I asked if this space felt like it could hold some of it for them. This was the reply I got.

I would love to hear others thoughts here, because I can really resonate with them- this is often how I feel in therapy no matter how warm the therapist and this mostly is why I don’t do that much therapy myself (I know I know). And it makes me wonder if whether the medium itself just isn’t right for what we are trying to do. I feel so uncomfortable in most therapy rooms that I do prefer zoom, but even then I often feel distant from the person helping me and it creates a barrier.

I know not everyone feels this, and I’m inclined to think it’s certain personality types and attachment styles that are more likely to feel this way and therefore less suited to therapy. And maybe I’m just intellectualising what was quite a blow to hear, but it’s not the first time I’ve thought these thoughts.