I hate women and what they did to me

Years ago I was raped countless times by a used to be friend of my mom and that has caused me to become panicking around any women I can't be alone with them if they touch me I freeze I can't look them in the eye I had a girl grip my ass and manhood infront of her friends to show off and I just stood there like a idiot I hate myself for being this weak and not being able to do anything I wish that the women who say men like it when they are assaulted knew what it was like the vulnerability the hate it wrong no matter who it happens to and they think men are pigs who enjoy it after what I've been through id kill myself before I forgive any women