I hate being mentally ill

I am naturally a neurotic person partly due to genetics and its just one of the worst curses you can have. Im just plagued with high levels of anxiety and depression for absolutely no reason other than my brain function. Meds dont work, and therapy barely works. Its less of a solution and more of just another coping mechanism.

The worst part is I have to put so much effort just to be normal. I have to exercise everyday and not touch any substances and have a clean diet and stay outside 24/7. It all works (somewhat) until I have to come back home to sleep, and oh wait I cant.

People never understand it either. I can never vent to anyone ever because they just dont get it. They have well-functioning brains and arent as emotional as I am. The only outlet i have is these reddit posts or journaling, which I rarely do because it somehow makes me feel worse