I really do wish I was religious

I believe that I tend to keep a logical perspective on everything and as a result I left islam when I was 12 years old. Ive been non-religious for so long that now if I wanted to become religious i wouldnt know which religion to choose.

This nihilism shit gets pretty hard on my mental health. Ik a lot of people disagree with this and see it as freeing, and I do too until I dont. Some days u get hit with an existential dread. I cant imagine feeling down and then realizing you have your magic book to read that will fix everything. It must be nice to think there is a big great man in the sky who loves you for you and that everything is planned by his genius and that this life is hard because its a test for the eternal euphoria u will receive afterwards. Ik religious people get depressed and shit too but I still feel like this would be a major help.

Even the community aspect of it is so appealing. My family tells me to just fake my religion and hang out with muslims but I cant force my brain to work like that, in the most humble way ever im too real.